(this letter was sent to Russell Brand on 30th March 2010 – awaiting reply)
Dear Russell,
May I first begin by saying that you have lovely hair. I have such love for you and your hair, Russell, that if ever I get the chance to fulfill my dream of banning all men from wearing skinny jeans, then I want you to know this, Russell, I would let you carry on. You could keep one pair.
Now then, you lovely thing, I feel a bit like a biblical angel here, come to tell you of your task. A task that you must perform to save all mankind. I just wish I hadn’t buggered my angel wings going into a loo cubicle at Rio’s in Leamington Spa.
Anyway, Russell, without further ado you must become Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. You must start a new political party called The Brand New Party (see! see what i did there!) and your colour shall be purple because that really suits me. You’ll need a Money Chancellor Person so I thought you could get your mum to do it. Mum’s are good at budgeting and we need a woman around, and get her a stylist please, the person who does Lady Gaga would be good. And all your comedy friends could be in the cabinet and you could make everyone use long words and do yoga.
Oh please, Russell, pretty please. It would look really good on business cards and they even throw in a house in Central London which is on some good bus routes.
So chop, chop, Russell! Put Katy Perry down and get cracking!
Cheerio Russell or should I say PM?
Yours very, very sincerely and I meant that about the skinny jeans.
A. Friend
Oh by the way Russell if you don’t intend to follow this through then please let me know ASAP as I’ll have to write to my second choices.
Now I feel guilty that Im not registered to vote, they pay well in the Civil Service my friend with your political knowledge, keep writing